It has been somewhat of a momentous couple of weeks for the history of Irish sport. We had a triumphant win against the “All Blacks” in rugby for the first time in over 100 years. This was followed up by our soccer team defeating Austria on their own turf, so we’re now top of the group in pole position to qualify for the World Cup. And the legend that is “The Notorious” Conor McGregor won, his second belt in UFC, the only guy to achieve this! On a local level, another legend in his own right, Dave Hedges, my trainer down at Wild Geese Gym, swang a kettlebell weighing 28kg for one mile for a local Fundraiser to raise awareness for the HOPs centre for Mental Health… Inspiring, incredible and emotional all of these victories were in their own right. It would have been quite fitting on a personal level, coming into what was supposed to be my final week of the dieta if I could have emulated some of these victories. I was very close, but I fell off the waggon with just three week’s to go. I lost faith in the belief that I could conceivable heal all my injuries completely. I gave it my best shot, but I didn’t have it in me to go the whole 9 yards.
Where did it all go Pete Tong?
With almost 11 weeks complete, 2 and half weeks left on the dieta and no notable feeling that I was going to make a recovery with any of my injuries (back, feet or ears) that I set out to heal, it was squeaky bum time, I needed a reality check. This is not something I had anticipated and I guess I can’t be too surprised with what has transpired having had a couple of weeks to digest it all.
Back in the jungle, the message I interpreted from the Shaman was that I would make a full recovery. You can imagine what was going through my mind with 2 and half weeks left to go, I just simply didn’t believe it was possible. I hadn’t seen a notable enough change to my injuries to warrant putting myself through any more psychological and physical torture as my body was crying out for glucose much of the time. I always said from the outset that I had nothing to lose and everything to gain by experimenting with this dieta and that deep down I didn’t believe it could be done, but this belief was OK as long as I was open minded… there was a chance of succeeding.
“That’s just pride fucking with your mind”
I don’t like starting something and not finishing it… but that’s just my ego talking. It’s not that I didn’t think I had it in me to follow through with the dieta. I believe I probably could have, but I found myself questioning myself more and more as the dieta got tougher and I wasn’t getting the results I needed. For what purpose should I continue? What difference is it going to make if I have some garlic and pepper with my roast chicken!? What will people think? I struggled to answer these questions for several days while loosely continuing with the dieta, but I was only cheating myself. I had to come clean with the Shaman and myself as to how I was feeling. It was really tough having to let them know initially that I was quitting as I know how much they, and many of you reading this, wanted me to succeed. I felt guilty for a few days but then when I rationalise to myself that this my decision to go back to some form of normality was understandable.
Why do you think the dieta didn’t work?
I can’t answer this right now and maybe it is working and this is part of the journey. I am talking to the guys in Peru, Wiler and Tamara soon about where it might have gone wrong and what I should do next. I will share with you any learning’s I get from this conversation once they get back to me. I understand in theory the principle of the dieta; I’m detoxifying my body on a physical, emotional and spiritual level to give the body the ability to heal itself, however, comprehending this and trying to visualise how this can happen about my condition is quite difficult, to say the least. Having said my body is in much better condition than when I came into this but I feel its too early to make conclusions yet.
Would you try the dieta again?
Yes, I think I would, but not in my current environment where I feel trapped in the city for the most part where you are at the mercy of temptation, from the day to day office treats that usually get circulated to the smell and sight of all the many mouth-watering food encounters one has in a day. In nature, with the guidance and support of shaman, it would make more sense where I’m not distracted by the hustle and bustle of city life. This was always going to be a complex journey given the unconventional nature of what I was trying to achieve. I went in head first but immersed into a much more difficult reality. It would have been nothing short of a miracle in my eyes if I had of healed completely. Maybe it was my lack of truly believing, understanding it could actually happen that perhaps prevented the body from healing. I’m just a novice when it comes to Shamanism, dieta, ayahuasca, plant spirits, energies and all that jazz. I’m still trying to process what I have just put myself through but it’s been an enlightening trip so far and I believe there is more to come very shortly.
From one Extreme to Another
Meditation Retreat with the “Iceman”
For those of you who are not aware, I’m taking a trip next week to Poland for an intensive week of meditation study with Wim Hof. He is known as the “Iceman” for having broken many Guinness World Records for braving and enduring the cold in many different scenarios. What makes Wim unique is the fact that he is not a circus freak. He teaches the concepts behind everything that he does, and he has changed many lives as a result. People with MS, cancer and even various autoimmune diseases have been healing themselves with his methods. I have been using his method on and off almost a year now and it has helped reduce the pain significantly. It is largely a practice built on breathing and mental acceptance of “what is,” and then capturing the power to completely control your body and mind while gaining a better understanding of your spirit in the process. I mentioned the personal benefits I get from this before and hope to share them with you in greater depth on my return. If you are interested in learning more about his method, I came across this neat animated video that explains it all if your curious to learn more.
Ayahuasca Weekend Retreat Tomorrow
One sleep away from what will (hopefully) be an enlightening weekend I believe. I have been invited to a private ceremony with the Shaman from the previous retreat I attended a couple of months back. The location I’ve been told is in a remote beautiful part of the Wicklow mountains. I should have the opportunity on Saturday to get some training in for my retreat in Poland the following week with a hike and hopefully a quick dip in a lake or river. It was snowing today in Dublin so not sure what the temperatures will be like up there. Either or it has to be done, the clock is ticking fast now. With my Wim Hof retreat happening next week and having recently finished my dieta(albeit earlier than I had hoped) the timing of these ceremonies couldn’t be any better really. Now I must gather my thoughts and intentions 🙂 Who knows what will come of this, as is the nature of the medicine but I’m excited either way and it’s another chance to go deeper into depths of my mind and beyond. I’ve been watching the diet this week and tapering down accordingly however I did have a small coffee and cookie this afternoon which is ideally not recommended so we’ll see if I get punished for this misdemeanour.
I mile Kettle-bell Swing in aid of the HOPs Centre
Last Saturday, I attended the 1-mile swing event I discussed in my last blog post. My trainer Dave Hedges managed to swing 28kg beating his previous challenge where he used a 24kg kettle-bell, a feat that hasn’t been recorded elsewhere. His last lap was insane. The intensity on the track was unbelievable, like when a storm is coming. You could feel it all across the stadium. If you want to know what it’s like to swing a 28kg kettle-bell for 3000 reps in 2 hours over the course of a mile you can find out here.
We have raised €4,650 with a target of €6,000, so you are still able to donate if you wish. The fundraising campaign will be kept open for the next couple of weeks until I finish my challenge in Poland. If you read my previous post you are aware that I have tied this into my personal challenge of climbing the highest mountain in my shorts at temperatures as low minus 27 degrees guided by Mr Wim Hof himself.
Training video below if you missed it. A big thank you to everyone involved so far.
PS: There is a lot more I have to share on the dieta but it will have to wait until next week. I’ve been too busy eating pavlova and indulging sensibly in everything else ….ish 😉
On November 12th, 2016, it is Daves intention to walk a full mile while swinging a 28kg kettlebell. That’s 1,500 continuous steps while swinging a 28kg kettlebell (a total weight of 42 tonnes). There will be many other participants attempting similar feats on the day.
As much as I would love to take part myself, I don’t think I’d be doing my lower back any favours! However, I’m still going to do my best to support the guys with the fundraiser and to generate awareness around mental health. In doing so, I have aligned it with my own personal challenge that’s coming up at the end of November which ties in nicely with improving one’s mental health.
Watch this video to find out more!
What are my motives for doing this?
A few weeks ago I was chatting with my friend Tamarra, who translates on behalf of Wiler, the head Shaman at the Pulse retreat in Peru. We were discussing my dieta on facebook messenger and she finished the conversation telling me not to get annoyed with anybody, feel good and send lots of love to people. I thought to myself after, I am doing all of those things………. but then maybe there was more I could be doing.
It was around this time when I was training in wild geese fitness that the 1-mile kettlebell swing challenge came on my radar. I thought doing something charitable might be a noble gesture to send love and support to people. The only snag was my lower back. I had been noticing improvements and entertained the idea that I might be able participate on the day. I was excited, but this was short lived. To test the waters, I picked up a light enough bell (12kg) and started walking and swinging. Much to my disappointment, but not unexpected, my back started to irritate me, so that was that.
For a few days after I was a little bit down as not only did I think I wouldn’t be able to participate but more importantly my back condition hadn’t improved as much as I had hoped. I resigned myself to not contributing to the event at all. I felt if I couldn’t take part in the event itself I would find it hard to inspire people to take action and donate. Not to mention the effort that can be involved. I thought then momentarily about the challenge I am currently in the midst of, this shamanic dieta, the purpose of how this blog came to fruition. This story is potentially worthy to tie in with a fundraiser, but only with a smaller audience; you, the people I have shared my story with so far. While some people have suggested sharing the “on the cusp” blog to a broader audience, it’s not something I’m comfortable with for obvious reasons. I imagine many people would find it difficult to comprehend the unconventional route I have taken to heal as I’m sure some reading this may feel also. Fuck yea for sure, if I were able to heal my back, ears and feet as a result of this dieta, I’d be screaming from the rooftops. But until that day comes………
Embracing the Cold
As I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts, I have been practising the Wim Hof Method (WHF) for ten months now. It has helped me with managing the pain better and contributed to a significant improvement in my well-being. On November the 25th I will fly to Poland on weeks retreat where I will be doing a course in the peaceful Giant Mountains of Poland with Wim Hof The Iceman and many other like-minded souls. At the end of the week, I will climb the highest mountain in Poland in temperatures as low as minus 27 degrees, in nothing but my shorts. Fundamental to Wims method is the ability to improve one’s mental health. I thought this would be a more of an appropriate challenge to tie in with the HOPS fundraising event where I could potentially make more of an impact with a video towards generating awareness and donations. I’m sure people have found it entertaining if not borderline crazy, me freezing my nuts off in a plastic drum.
How did the body feel in Zero degrees?
I’m sure we all know what ice cold water feels like on our bodies! It’s not very comforting, is it? Try it for 10 minutes and tell me how you feel. Actually….. don’t, as that would be stupid. The only reason I can do it and not suffer from hyperthermia is because I have been training my body to adapt to the cold for months now through Wims method. The initial impact on your skin as you hit the ice water is like razor sharp pins and needles drilling into your body. This lasts for a couple of minutes, and it’s a mental game from here on in. Believe it or not, the body gets warmer (in parts) which I will explain in a later blog post how this chemistry works. I have only attempted this twice before. I would have stayed in for a little longer if it wasn’t for lack of feeling around my elbow joints. I did get a scare afterwards. When I got into the shower, it took almost 25 minutes for my arms to stop shaking. The elbow and tips of some of my fingers took the brunt of it. The rest of my body was ok. It was quite a surreal experience observing your body reacting to these unnatural conditions. 10 minutes was a new personal best for me at zero degrees, so I was happy with the outcome. I made myself a nice pot of tea afterwards. 🙂
While what I am doing might seem a bit extreme the benefits are real and have been proven by science. I’ll do a follow-up post next week on how the Wim Hof Method works and why it is very rewarding.
If you can, Please make a donation…….
If improving mental health resonates with you and the effort I have put into this campaign; I would be very grateful (as will the user at the HOPs centre) if you could take a couple of minutes to make a small donation here.
“Before anything else, preparation is the key to success.”
Alexander Grahm Bell
After a shaky start to the dieta, close to failing on my very first day, I have become much smarter in how I plan my day and prepare my food. I thought I would be spending less time in the kitchen due to the dieta restrictions, but I was wrong! I generally would eat out for lunch (pre dieta) and in the evening maybe 2 or 3 times week also. So my daily routine and diet is a far cry from what it used to. It’s not that I had an overly bad diet, I was just eating too much of the wrong foods, especially chocolate, cakes, sweets and all that good shit. I’m just a sucker for sugar, and that’s what usually kills me, but I’ll digress for now.
As I’m not eating out, I prepare all my food. Perfect for saving a few quid, but can be a real time sink. In the beginning, I was inefficient with my time management and found myself trucking away in the kitchen for unnecessary periods, preparing food for that evening and making enough for lunch the following day. Things have progressed quite a bit now, and I’m cooking in bulk most of the time, whether it would be juices, soups or veggies I’m usually doing 7 or 8 portions of each. My chest freezer is now full to the brim with probably enough food to keep ticking for over a week. Eggs are now the only food I will cook and eat fresh.
A typical midweek morning
I’ve been trying to find the ideal time to wake up naturally which will allow me enough time to go through my morning routine and get into work early. I haven’t quite nailed it yet, but I’m trying to wake naturally at 6.30 am.
I have two alarms to wake me up; my iMac switches on which acts as a light and I have my mobile set to play music. I leave my phone across the room which ensures I don’t stay under the sheets for too long. I’ll roll out of bed maybe a minute after it goes off. It’s a struggle but after I throw some water over my face, brush my teeth, stretch a little with a few squats and knock back a glass of water, I’m usually awake enough not to slip back under the duvet.
Where the Magic happens………
I have a morning meditative ritual that helps me kick start each day which begins with deep breathing exercises taken from the Wim Hof Method (WHM). These breathing exercises are the fucking BOMB! After 20 to 25 minutes if I do it properly, I feel all zen-like and fully charged after oxygenating my body close to its natural alkaline state. I try to stay on and meditate for a little while longer, but I lack patience most of the time and am conscious of getting to the shower before my other housemates beat me to it. As part of Wims Method, I will take a cold shower for a couple of minutes, then switch to warm and finish up with the cold. The purpose of the hot-cold shower is to get rid of tension in my nerves, and helps to combat stress for achieving clarity in the mind. I’m pumped at this stage wide awake and ready to take on the world………for real. I’ll pack my bag, stick on some tunes and stride into work on the bike for around 8.30.
Breakfast at work
I have breakfast at around 9 pm. Usually, a bowl of porridge and/or a couple of boiled or poached eggs will satisfy my appetite. If I’m having porridge, I’ll sprinkle a small bit of cinnamon to make it edible. Between breakfast and lunch, I usually will have a pre-made juice which would have been made over the weekend. I’ll throw in Apples, Carrots, Spinach and Cucumber, all allowed as far as I know, don’t believe I’m breaking any rules here. I found this a quick method to get a natural sugar hit which hits the blood faster and energises me before I go to the gym. It’s quite tasty too.
Scoot down to Wild Geese Gym
A few days a week when the time allows, I will cycle downtown to Wild Geese Fitness where I get the best attention for conditioning body. My routine varies over the days, but focuses mainly on mobility exercise’s, core strengthening and some handstand skill sets which are a lot of fun. If I don’t have the time to make it down Wg-Fit, we have a small gym here in the college that I’ll use but I’m never as motivated there as I am in WG.
Lunch
Usually comprises of chicken, beans, diced egg and mix of veggies. I have started to make soup now, and it’s pretty tasty all things considered. I throw a combo of spuds, sweet potato, cauliflower and chicken stock into the pot. The stock is made from the leftover chicken carcass. It could still do with some onion, garlic and celery to give it a real kick. I’m not allowed have onion and garlic, but I must ask about celery now that I think of it.
Chill out at local Spa
I usually arrive home by 6.15 if everything has gone to plan. I’ll usually roast a chicken surprise, surprise and then head up to Westpoint which is another gym I recently joined. I tend to use this gym specifically for their spa facilities. There class! I can be quite tired when I arrive home so hitting up the spa revitalises and motivates me to do stuff for an another few hours. I use this time to relax and gather my thoughts lounging between the sauna, steam and relaxation rooms. They also have the powerful jets for my back pain which are the next best thing to getting a massage………oh and I’d spend a few minutes in ice cold plunge pool. It’s for dipping supposedly, but I like to chill there for a while until eventually someone who is keen to use will rightfully approach me and ask “Are you nearly finished in there!?” I can be quite inconsiderate you know. 😉
Supper
My Favourite Dish of the week……Look how good those chicken goujons look huh
When I get back home, my chicken is usually nicely roasted. I’ll drain the juices and fat from the chicken into a little a container and use it to flavour my vegetables. I’ll sometimes make chicken goujons as a treat for the weekend. Looks good huh? Yes, I know what your thinking, how are these allowed, this does’t look like what you should be eating on a shamanic diet!? Your probably right but Chicken, egg yolk and breadcrumbs……….are all within the boundaries. I’ll usually poach 2 or 3 eggs also with my evening meals. I must go through at least 6 to 8 eggs most days. I will oven cook some potato chips occasionally, douse them in chicken fat so they are nice and crispified and shake some salt over them. I’ll use the egg yolk as a dip and I’m in heaven. I’m eating a little more salt than I was at the beginning. I need it for my sanity. I know it’s going against the guidelines set out but it’s fucking so hard to consume food without it.
I’ve gone Apple Crazy
As you know, I’m a sucker for sugar so the only thing I can work with is apples and boy do I take advantage of my apples. Besides eating a couple each day, I’ll make a big pot of applesauce each week and add a little cinnamon into the sauce. I use the sauce in everything;when baking a loaf of bread, baking something that resembles a sufflate cake, use it in my porridge and spread it on my toast. I’ve even started to toss a spoonful on my evening meals. Yes, as bizarre as they that may sound this is what it has come to. I’m using normal apples as opposed to the baking ones, although there technically green I’m going to hazard a guess that they wouldn’t be allowed due to their increased sugar content. It took a while to get my sufflates tasting the way they are. I’m quite impressed to how my they are turning out as I struggled to make the dough rise without baking powder etc. After many attempts, I’ve learnt it is all in the beating of the eggs that give them structure and puff, especially whites. But I’m fucking sick of it all now……. I can’t wait to throw some cocoa, sugar, milk and oil into the mix and make a proper bad ass mother fucking chocolate cake 😛
No caffeine, No Booze …….just tea, wonderful tea!
I do miss my morning and occasional afternoon coffee. For the first couple of weeks I suffered from some withdrawal symptoms, including headaches, fatigue and difficulty concentrating, although they may not have been as a direct result of the coffee alone. Now I have my juices and herbal teas. Apple and Cinnamon’s flavoued mix is my go to most days. I was debating whether I’d go back to coffee as I had the perception that it was unhealthy but it turns out after doing some research there are arguably more beneficial reasons for me to drink it, rather than not. Everything in moderation I guess. Alcohol, well that’s another day’s discussion.
I know I’m at the peril of being told off by the Shaman and some of the guys from the Ayahuasca retreat in Peru I’ve visited as they may not approve of the way I’m consuming some of my food. I honestly wouldn’t be able to do this dieta without taking these liberties. Technically, I’m not breaking the rules as I haven’t been told otherwise. However, the thought has crossed my mind that it may be the reason why the plant’s spirits don’t want heal me if you look at it from that perspective. Next weeks I’ll be conducting an interview with the Shaman and going deeper into understanding the dieta and the connection to the plant spirits.
A dip in the Cold Before Sleep time
I picked up another hack recently involving my friend the cold. It involves submerging my face in cold water for up to a minute before I go to sleep. Using straws taped together as a snorkel allows me to stay under water longer while breathing. Supposedly the benefits are that you sleep quicker and deeper. I’ve been doing this now for a few weeks, and it definitely feels like its having a positive effect. The real verdict will likely be determined when I’m off the dieta so I can identify more accurately how much this hack might be attributing towards my sleep. If your interested in trying it out yourself, the bulletproof guys have nice tutorial on how it works.
What happens on the weekend?
Nothing too exciting to be honest, except for the spontaneous Ayahuasca experience down the country I had a few weeks ago. I’m a bit of a recluse at the moment. I spend most of my time reading, writing, exercising and dreaming of what I’m going to eat when I finish all of this. I wouldn’t be out socialising much. I’m quite singular in my ways anyhow and enjoy spending time alone. This behaviour is quite typical of me even outside of doing this dieta (apart from the indulgences I’m not allowed currently). Whether this is deemed healthy or not, I don’t know, but it feels right.
I do enjoy a snooze in the afternoon to recharge the batteries which usually energises and motivates me for the remainder of the day. Though, it doesn’t always work out like this. There is a fine line though between napping and sleeping. Usually between 30 and 45 minutes is about right for me. I’ll probably only sleep for 20 minutes of this. I believe I am getting the best of both worlds with this routine. In the morning time, I am at my most productive, and in the evening I can stay up later. I don’t need as much sleep the following night as my internal clock is used to waking early. It would be amazing if I could manifest this into everyday life. I might have to continue with a similar lifestyle to how I’m living though:/ ………….not to mention finding a job that will accommodate my needs………… It’s possible, but maybe the diet part would not be sustainable. 🙂
So guys, if any of you are handy in the kitchen and see any other areas I may be able to exploit with ingredients I have to work with please do share.
I received some disappointing news recently, news that could of offset my dieta. I initially felt resentment towards this person but thankfully, I was very much in control my emotions. I then felt empathy for that person when I heard their story. While I was saddened by what I was hearing, I felt very grateful for the mental clarity I had in those moments and how I have dealt with the situation since. It made sense the decision that was made. I respect this person’s honesty albeit a little delayed. If it was any sooner, I might not have made it this far into the dieta as they have been very supportive and encouraging which has meant a lot. So, maybe it’s a blessing, who knows. I only hope in the weeks ahead that I can offer my support to them if they so wish. I know I’m a little elusive right now, but this is how it has to be.
In the past this type of incident may have prompted an unhealthy run of mindless boozing, gambling, binge eating, watching shite on the web and isolating myself from the world just to name but a few……. Most likely a combination of all of these I would engage in for an undesirable amount of time. My mindset has shifted gradually away from this way of behaving, as I know I’m only avoiding the inevitable; dealing with the actual situation within. While I do very much enjoy all those forms of escapism, nothing good usually becomes of them. Now, I have the inner power and mental tools to deal with circumstances like these a lot quicker to avoid being sad or depressed for too long. Life is fragile, though, and I could easily slip up depending on the circumstances and my state of mind. Everybody has their limits. I’m in a good head space now as a result of this dieta, so I’m able to think clearer, more objectively and rationally about what happened recently. Writing is helping too as it encourages me to analyse my thoughts in more detail and try to learn from them. It’s a little sad how things worked out …….but C’est la vie! We learn, we accept and we grow stronger. 🙂
“It is through gratitude for the present moment that the spiritual dimension of life opens up.”
Eckhart Tolle
Breaking the Rules
I fucked up my dieta a couple of weeks ago. I had just finished in the gym and had arrived at a big web event where they had a complimentary banquet of culinary delights. Hmmm, not the type of event I should be attending on an empty stomach. I stubbornly decided to wander in and have a sniff. Oh, how I regret this now. There was a choice of various dishes to choose from. The glanced at the menu noticing the vegetarian option with sweet potato, broccoli and black lentil sambar with fresh turmeric and coriander with rice was not far off what I was allowed. I was so hungry and thought to myself, I’m almost halfway, I deserve a little reward for making it this far. I wouldn’t mind, but I had actually brought a packed lunch so it’s not as if I didn’t have a choice, but I was overcome by the waft of deliciousness and succumbed to the temptation. I didn’t even think twice; it was a strange moment. I was completely out of control. After I had my small plate, yes, I went back for seconds. It was so fucking tasty. I savoured every mouthful. Ok, I’m done, I thought, let’s get out of here, put this behind you and move on. Not so quickly my alter ego whispers as they bring out a tray of fruit pavlova cake. My mind started to catapult out of control battling with the sugar monster within not to go down this slippery slope, but I had got a taste of the forbidden fruit, and I wanted more. I then justified to myself that I had broken it now, what difference was a slice of pavlova going to make.
I didn’t have one slice; I had 8. Yes, eight slices of those bad boys. Pure gluttony, it was bliss. While I didn’t take the picture above, it looked as delicious as this and probably tasted as good too. My energy levels went through the roof with all that sugar I had consumed for the 1st time in 5 weeks. It felt like my body needed it. I went to the gym again later that day as I had so much energy as a result of the sugar hit. It was always my intention to come clean about this. However, the Shaman a few days got there before me and asked if they needed to centre my diet to which I gratefully obliged. At the next ceremony over in the Peruvians Amazon jungle the shaman did some cleansing on my behalf for being a naughty little boy. I don’t know what this
It was always my intention to come clean about this. However, the Shaman a few days got there before me and asked if they needed to centre my diet to which I gratefully obliged. At the next ceremony over in the Peruvian Amazon jungle the shaman did some cleansing on my behalf for being a naughty little boy. I don’t know what this centering involves so again bare with me, as I hope to have some answers in the coming weeks. While I didn’t see this coming, I’ve learnt how fragile us humans can be. I think I’ve learnt my lesson now and hopefully that will be the only blip along the way. I’m definitely making a giant pavlova fruit cake this Christmas for myself. 😉
How’s the No Sex thing going?
Surprisingly well, no rule breaking here! If you remember, as part of this dieta, I must refrain from all sexual activity including with myself. It was a little difficult at the start as I was seeing someone, but now that I don’t surround myself with temptation, it hasn’t been an issue. I rarely think about it which to me seems quite unusual but very interesting at the same time. I can’t remember ever going through such a long period not even thinking about it, never mind acting upon it. Don’t get me wrong, if I was to pass a hot girl walking down the street, the thought might enter the subconscious, but as I’m not out to get it, it doesn’t frustrate me like I thought it might. When it comes to abstaining from certain foods, though…..well that’s another mental beast to deal with altogether.
Temptation under Control
I was out at a business lunch a couple of weeks back. One of our agencies invited us out to a lavish glass house restaurant with great views of Dublin City for all expenses liquid lunch. Any other day I would be excited, but because of my dieta and the fact that it involved sitting down for a long period I was a little apprehensive. I had phoned them the night before to see if I could order off the breakfast menu as nothing on the lunch menu was allowed. They couldn’t accommodate my request. All I was asking for was toast and poached eggs…….come on guys!
I had discussed previously with a friend how to deal with the potential awkward questions that may arise at social events like these. His recommendation was to avoid the truth it if it could potentially taint one’s perception of me and advised me to put some spin on it like I was having problems with my bowel movements and the Doctor had recommended such and such. Not a bad idea I thought for a conversation changer…… right!? Who wants to go down that uncomfortable path just before they start their meal? But I’m a shit liar and didn’t go with that narrative. I told them about the diet, the foods I was allowed have. It was hard for me to dodge this as the waitress was very persistent (in a nice way) to find out what the chef could make me. After a bit of back and forth, I eventually ended up with an impressive assortment and tasty plate of green vegetables, cauliflower and potatoes as you can see from the picture below.
They were curious about my diet and asked questions. I managed to remain elusive, avoiding the core reasons why I chose to do this particular diet and where the guidance came from. If they hadn’t thought I was strange before they certainly did now, but I’m ok with that. I would have liked to have shared my story with some of them, but that could have opened up a can of worms. My boss was in attendance, and as sound and open-minded as I think he maybe, I don’t think discussing connecting with plant spirits, shamanism and all that goes with it would be a wise move.
Overall the occasion wasn’t so bad! The company was good; we had a few laughs, the back wasn’t too bad( I was using my ice packs) and I was quite content with my food. However, it was pretty tough watching them devour a bloody sirloin steak, guzzle their glasses of vino and then gorge on cheesecakes. Afterwards, I felt a great sense of satisfaction though with how I resisted temptation especially after the lapse I had the week before. They also offered to treat me personally to a proper slap up meal in December finishing to celebrate my diet. I may just take them up on that.
How is the food tasting without salt?
The whole eating thing is very boring for the most part. When you can’t have sugar, salt and pepper and other condiments, you find yourself almost force feeding yourself. I have had more salt than maybe I should be having of late though. I think I would just implode into nothing if I didn’t add a small bit to the occasional meal. I go into this in more detail discussing some of the foods I’m eating and how I’m cooking them over on recent post “A Day in the Life.”
I’ve lost a stone in a half………………….
I’m not going to deny it, but one of the silent pleasures of this dieta has been the weight loss. Not that I had much weight to loose in the 1st place, but I do like to feel good about my body and my appearance. I weighed in at around 76 kg (12th) before I started the dieta. I now weight 65.8kg(10.4 stone), so I’ve lost over a stone in a half. I haven’t been this weight since I was 18 years of age, almost 20 years ago! My weight now seems to have plateaued in the last two weeks. It feels like it’s happy to stay here for now. There is not much more I could loose, and I wouldn’t want to either. Whether I keep it off though will be another week’s discussion, especially as the dieta finishes just before the Silly Season starts. 😛
Psoriasis Sucks
I suffer from a mild facial and hairline psoriasis which is red, blotchy dry skin under my eyes and around my hairline. It comes and goes sporadically, and it’s difficult to identify the cause. I thought it would get better as a result of the dieta. However, it seems to have got slightly worse which makes me think that I’m missing some micronutrients or that I’m eating too much of something. Either or it’s not a major concern, just an observation at this stage.
How is the healing going?
I’m over halfway through my dieta…….. and I’m sure some of you want to know how or if the body is recovering. As you know, if you have been following my blog from the start the primary reason I’m doing this dieta is to see if it can help with the healing of DDD in my lower back, arthritis in my feet and hyperacusis with my ears. I’ve been asked this question a few times now, and each time it gets harder to answer. So let’s cut to the chase. Unfortunately, I’m not noticing any significant improvement with any of my ailments.
While I’m not in as much pain as I was pre dieta, I am doing more of the right things to avoid the pain that might explain this small relief along with the healthy food I’m consuming. My daily routine has increased with stretching, core strength exercises and generally putting less strain on the back, avoiding sitting down where possible. I still have to use my ice packs when I sit down for periods of time, and at night time I’m still going to my freezer a couple of times a night. These to me are indicators that I haven’t come as far to believe I could potentially heal and that’s just the lower back. The feet and ears are more or less the same Pre dieta also.
What are your expectations now?
I’m less hopeful that things are going to work out the way I would have wished. It’s like what I said from the start, though; I’ve nothing to lose by doing this dieta and everything to gain. I’m not throwing in the towel. Regardless of the outcome, I feel I’ve already learned so much about self-control, self-discipline and my inner power which I look forward to going into in a later blog post. It may seem pointless to some of you, the idea of putting oneself through something like this when the goal now looks unlikely in my eyes. I can’t explain nor rationalise at this point why I’m continuing, but I believe there is a deeper meaning and more lessons to be attained by continuing with this. I’m still in the gutter so to speak, but I have to keep the faith that there will be light at the end of this tunnel. There’s still five weeks left so we live in hope, but I’m managing my expectations and have a few alternative options to consider post dieta.
The guys sent me a nice a message the other day that lifted my spirits.
“Hey, Rob!! So happy to hear from you, Wiler sang for you today, it was so beautiful and he said that he received a good sign for you, so you diet is going well, the improvement will happen over time just keep trusting and as you said dont second guess things, everything is going the way is supose to go. So good to hear that you mind is clear that a big part of the whole thing so, good!! Send those questions and we will be happy to answer them.”
Understanding the Shamanic the Dieta
I’ve still a lot of research to do on shamanic dieta’s to try to further comprehend it all and how it allows oneself to heal. I’m getting a sense now (albeit maybe too late) the purpose of the dieta is to try to disconnect from all forms of stimulation from the outside world and to find it within yourself. Once you are in this centered place within, they say your body can be opened up to all types of healing.
In the next couple of weeks, I hope to tease out these questions with the Shaman. If there are any questions, recommendations or suggestions you may have, they are more than welcome. Please feel free to drop them in the comments section below. If I can’t answer them, then I maybe able to ask the Shaman.
Mucho Amor para ambos
Rob
x
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
Shortly after I went live with my first blog post, I started planning activities and experiences I wanted to accomplish over the remainder of this three-month dieta challenge. After all, I am in my sobriety; my body is probably the healthiest it has ever been, my mind is very focused, and I have a little more time on my hands. I consider myself an open-minded guy to anything that can stimulate my mind and connection to my inner spirit, which could strengthen my goal to heal myself. So……. this is an excellent opportunity I have in my life to amend and experiment.
I can do a ceremony in Eire……..
Ayahuasca hadn’t been on my mind until this point. I remember vaguely the Shaman saying that this was not allowed which didn’t make much sense to me why they would impose this type of restriction. I discussed with one my friends from the retreat to which she agreed. This prompted me to ask again. Much to my delight and without hesitation the Shaman said: “you can do ceremony Rob, no problemo”. I was somewhat surprised! I didn’t question why he might have changed his mind. I may have asked the wrong question back in Peru, and used the words psychedelics which could have a few connotations. Either or, it didn’t matter for now as I had just been gifted an opportunity to take another deep dive into the realms of my mind and beyond. First, though I had to find out where in Ireland one could consume ayahuasca safely.
Ask, and it is Given
I had heard of secret ceremonies taking place so I was confident and knew just the guy to steer me in the right direction. I had one Irish friend who had taken Ayahuasca in both Peru and Ireland. He got back to me fairly swiftly to say there is nothing on until December. I had apparently just missed a few gatherings. My disappointment lasted all of 2 minutes when he quickly replied “sorry, there is actually, two ceremonies taking place this coming weekend”. BOOM! Anxiously excited I didn’t waste any time and emailed the host to check the availability and details of the event. I also remembered my housemate had given me a contact a little while back whom I also reached out to. Coincidentally, they also knew about this event. We had chatted for a short while that very night and he shared with me the phone number of the host. Everything seemed to be aligning for me.
The following morning I gave her a call to get a feel for the setup and shaman guiding the ceremony. I didn’t need much convincing. I trusted the people’s recommendations. She told me the Peruvian shaman who was meant to be leading the September ceremonies had visa issues and could not enter the country. I imagine some people may have pulled out as a result of this. I had been reassured the shaman that was to replace the Peruvian was well experienced. I wasn’t too concerned about this aspect as I felt it was me and the medicine that was going to do most of the work. It’s difficult for me to comprehend how a Shaman works with entities and plant spirit but maybe that understanding will grow with experience. I told the lady I would have a think about it and get back to her in the afternoon.
I had already made up my mind, I was going, no doubts whatsoever. I knew this felt right, and the timing was good. I just had to firm up getting off work early, figure out how to get to the destination and cancel some kundalini yoga and meditation that I had initially planned.
Journey Way out West….
On the train, out into the country, I thought about my ceremony intentions. I pondered how quickly the medicine would react with my body now that I had been four weeks into my dieta I wondered how the shamanic practice and ceremony would differ from the Ayahuasca Retreat in Peru stayed in. I wondered about the visions if they would be similar. Then, of course, the core reason which directed me to Ayahuasca in the first place, how my body would feel. Would I be in as much pain? While healing the physical was my main drive, experimenting with consciousness always fascinates me on a very personal level. It has led me to meditation, yoga, fasting, drugs, Wim Hof and my everyday life. Because in the end, this is the reality I have to face, and finding my way in alternative states of consciousness can be just another easy escape to keep me from facing my true self.
Silence of the Countryside
I was picked up at the train station by one of the host’s friends whom would be facilitating on the night. He drove me to a remote country house several miles outside the nearest town. There was a real sense of peace just stepping outside into the silence of the countryside. As I entered the house I was greeted by the host whom gave me a warm greeting and made me some herbal tea. I chilled out in the living room chatting with some of my new comrades. The man whom would be leading us this for the weekend arrived a couple of hours later.
The Shaman
I can’t reveal too much about the Shaman out of respect for his privacy. He had an impressive CV; ten years experience with the medicine, over 500 ceremonies under his belt and in that time he has worked under many well known Curanderos in Peru. Music was a big part of the ceremony. He must have brought with him up to a dozen instruments ranging from percussive drums and shakers to wind type instruments and unusual looking stringed instruments that had a lot of history to them. He has a moving story like most Shamans do I imagine how he got into the practice. I immediately warmed to him. He was a loving and kind Gentleman with gentle energy. He created a warm and safe environment which is important when it comes to taking the strongest hallucinogenic known to man.
Ceremony 1
Proceedings took a while to get going as the Shaman was a while preparing the room. As you can see from the picture above, the Shaman had a diverse selection of tools spread across his ritual table. The ceremony opened quite late around 11.30 after a rather long introduction speech. As an appetiser, we were invited to snort this mapacho tobacco liquid mix that was poured into the palms of our hands. It wasn’t so bad tasting and gave you a mild relaxing sensation around the head. Shortly afterwards it was my turn to drink the Ayahuasca. I stood up and walked to the shaman to get my dosage. It was thick brownish in colour and tasted really fucking awful! I went back to my mattress and observed the other participants when they went to get their medicine, then tried to meditate.
Waiting, excited, fantasising…….
It took a long time for the medicine to get going. I had taken two shots in what felt like 3 hours, but it had no effect. I was losing confidence in the medicine and getting frustrated at the thought of travelling all this way for nothing. In Peru, I don’t think I had more than two shot’s any given night, and one and a half was usually about right for me. Having been on the dieta now for four week’s I’d thought I’d have been more susceptible to the medicine working. To make matters worse, there was a cold draft by my side, and I was struggling to keep the heat inside my blankets. I battled with my mind on whether I should have another drink at this stage. I was exhausted, cold and the ceremony was likely to finish shortly. The second shot was so rank I thought it was going to come back up. I knew I had to force myself to go through with another to feel I got some value from the night. So, I stepped up again and downed another shot. To my delight, within no time my mind had been impelled into the matrix.
It’s hard for me to remember much from here on in as the second ceremony swept away most memories. But this is what I do remember when I finally got going. A little bit of nausea at the beginning followed by intense, bright visualisations. Geometrical patterns that were swirling changing, inter-twining and flowing. A lot of animation, less so real life visuals unless I opened up my eyes to what was going on around me. Unlike Peru, this room was lit up with some candles and fire throughout much of the night. I watched the shaman do his healing on a woman. I was mesmerised. It looked so magical, like something you would see in a fantasy movie accept your seeing it with your eyes open.
Tumbling down that Rabbit Hole
Unravelling my thoughts under the lense of a microscope at a speed that seemed to intensify. I soon tumbled down that rabbit hole where I have no idea of the sequence of events. Distracted and somewhat frustrated by the Shaman sharing a parable of a donkey digging himself out of a well while I’m trying to focus on figuring a way out of this warped maze of thoughts that are on auto repeat. It was possibly only a few minutes but a few minutes can sometimes feel like a lifetime. Those of you who have experienced Ayahuasca know what I’m talking about. My thoughts went back and forth, round and round, analysing anything and everything. Somewhere in between all the madness, I cracked up laughing for some unknown reason. It was all fairly mental, it a great way, though.
When the Shaman closed the ceremony, I was still wired! I wanted to go further, but the distraction in the room sobered me up somewhat. I was feeling fantastic and embraced the Shaman with a big hug to show my appreciation for the ceremony. We then had a little group share post ceremony. Surprisingly many people seemed to find the medicine weak, and it didn’t have much of an effect. This now made more sense to why I felt I had to drink so much to get going as everybody only had no more than 1 or 2 I think. It was 6 am by the time we eventually wrapped things up. The group went to have had breakfast. Unfortunately, my dieta would not allow me to eat with them. I laid in bed, devoured a green apple and zonked out within minutes.
We were taken for a leisurely stroll in nearby forest on the Saturday
Ceremony 2
Although exhausted from the night before, I was really looking forward to what the plant spirit would reveal to me next. We started the second ceremony late again; it was probably around 11 before I was called for my round. It didn’t taste half as bad as the night before (We were now drinking the Shamans brew on this occasion as the night before was the host’s brew). After about 30 minutes it hit in.
Electronic Shamanic Music
Much to my delight, the Shaman played a tracklisting of Electronic Shamanic healings songs. I was in my element I tell you:) And while I’m a big fan of electronic music this was like nothing I had heard before and why would I of. It’s not mainstream nor underground; it was a spiritual kaleidoscope of sounds, a beautiful mix of percussion, voices, and ethnic instruments. This unconventional way I thought of conducting a ceremony added a new depth to my visual experience that I wasn’t expected. I’m hoping to get the tracklisting and will share it with you soon.
Some personal Insights and Lessons
I believe I got a lot more insights from this ceremony compared to the first. Still, though, I did not address some of my primary intentions I had hoped to get some answers. Ayahuasca is very unpredictable! A lot arose, but it’s not so easy remembering them all. Here are a few that I do recall;
Unintentionally I revisited a traumatic family accident that happened some time back when I was a teenager that didn’t move me as emotionally as it when did on this ceremony.
I had a long battle with my ego, dissecting it going down the rabbit hole again and the finally finding peace only to forget how I got there and what exactly it was I learnt. In most ceremonies, I find myself at some stage disentangling my ego. It’s a process………..
I thought about a particular friend that has expressed an interest in Ayahuasca. I believe they are holding back mainly because of fear and maybe they don’t have a strong enough belief that the medicine could help them heal. This is understandable but this fear they hold frustrates me, and I find it difficult sometimes to accept. But accept is what I must do. I’m not an accredited expert, and more importantly, it’s not my business to try influence change on this level. They must arrive at this decision themselves and if they do decide I’ll be more than happy to offer my support if they want it. I struggled in the past wanting people to change when it was me that needed to understand that it doesn’t work that way and ironically it was me that had to make the changes. Change can’t be forced; it comes from within at a time that is right for an individual. Now I know this deep within; I guess Ayahuasca just reinforced the fact that I need to be more patient and exert more control when I get frustrated like this.
I had an especially important meeting that coming Monday after with my employers that I was somewhat anxious about. The anxiety went away the following day, and I got the result I wanted from the meeting. 🙂
Then there was cake. Oh, how I love cake! For a period all I could think of was cake. Cheesecake, chocolate cake, lemon cake, carrot, chocolate fudge cake, coffee cake you name it, I dreamt of eating it. This then spiralled into me building a little cake baking enterprise. Besides the fact I couldn’t have cake I had some fun flight of fancy and may return to this again so watch this space 😉 My blood sugar levels were obviously at an extreme low!
Overall it was a beautiful ceremony! The Shaman gathered us all in a circle at the end where we held hands together for the closing of it. The energy was really good; almost everybody seemed to have taken something meaningful from the evening. I smoked a mapacho with the Shaman and others; we exchanged some stories then I watched the stars in awe just as I did so many nights in Peru before finally getting to bed.
Some of the differences in experiencing Ayahuasca in Ireland compared to Peru……
They are incomparable really. I had done eight ceremonies in Peru and had two weeks of bonding with all. It made me realise how different shamanic practices can be though and the medicine itself. In Peru, the format was a lot simpler. We drank our medicine, the Icaros were sung, we would sit up in front of the Shaman for our personal Icaros, and you were left mainly to your own devices. With this ceremony, there was a diverse range of healing methods used and a particular emphasis on music and song. Some were very welcome additions, but the timing of others were a little too distracting.
Thankfully, I experienced very little darkness compared to Peru however; I did purge for a short while on both nights and as my jungle friends can contest to, when you purge, there is alway darkness to some degree. Unlike my jungle vision’s there were no snakes, bugs, insects, bats, alien-like creatures and dark toxic slime (except when I purged). There were some animals, but they were animated for the most part. I thought that was a compelling contrast as these visions were a common place for me and others in the jungle. I guess it makes sense in a way that these type of visions are more habitual to the jungle. Then again, I didn’t see any cows or sheep floating about in my visions. But they are friendlier looking, creatures, right!?
How was the back pain?
My degenerative disc led to me rolling around trying to get into a comfortable position giving each hip a rest every so often. This is how it was in Peru too. I would try kneeling up every so often so there was less compression on the disc in the lower back. I would try to stay kneeling like this for as long as I could as this causes the least amount of pain. Though when you’re tired, low energy levels and deep in the medicine, it’s difficult to discipline yourself. Kneeling upright though was the lesser of two of evils so I just tried my best to endure. I had access to my ice packs so it wasn’t too bad. I’ll go into more detail about how the back, feet and ears are doing in the next blog post.
“It is the mark of an educated mind to entertain an idea without accepting it.”
Aristotle
Concluding Thoughts
I don’t fully buy into the version of reality offered by Peruvian curanderos, but I am willing to entertain the idea. I am attracted to the allure of this ancient mythology as It gives me a sense of hope that I can potentially heal. There is still a sceptic lingering within, as I’m usually a man who needs some degree of scientific evidence to rationalise beliefs. Ayahuasca to a certain extent has unshackled me from this restrictive way of thinking. It maybe causing disillusionment but I have to give it a chance. I almost feel like I’m experimenting with a self-placebo in a sense, but I’ll digress on this topic for now and come back to it in the coming weeks.
Over the two ceremonies, I delved deep into different issues that usually my sober mind would find intractable. It’s important for me to be critical about which lessons I take back into consensus reality, and which I leave behind as I know how I could be perceived in certain circles. Much of what goes on is likely my subconscious mind taking liberties just as it does in dreams but on the other hand; there are many meaningful lessons that are truly insightful to me. Each time I do Ayahuasca, I experience feelings I didn’t know were possible and have discovered parts of myself that I never knew existed. While I received some lessons and insights from this weekends work nothing was quite as profound as what I learnt in Peru. In the days after, my buddy from the ceremony summed up his experience which epitomised how I was feeling too; “I was washed over with a tsunami of empathy and love and all this amazing stuff.”
I know much of what I’ve shared here may sound hippy-dippy to some of you, and I have a certain threshold for hippy dippy any typical day, but after a ceremony in the immediate days and weeks to follow it’s at it’s lowest. What’s that all about huh? Is the medicine opening me up more and relegating my ego a little? Why can’t that last!? I laugh……… if only life were that easy………..Until next time guys, be good! ♥
“Faith is the power to stand in the unknown, with the uncertainty, and the discomfort and to take a new step forward anyway, a then another and then another.”
Christina Pratt
Anybody remember what 80s song that line is from?…. Yea?… No? I know my Dad does. This line kind of sums up my life in a way for the next few months. I maybe being a little facetious but this is definitely a giant leap outside of my comfort zone to heal the physical body. If you have no idea what I’m talking about and reading this post for the first time, best read my story to get a little more context to where I’m coming from.
Medicine Confiscated
I’m 4 weeks now into the dieta. I started two months later than initially planned. I had hoped to start within days of coming back from Peru. However, the medicine for my back which was in liquid form was confiscated at airport security in Lima as I missed check in due o a delayed flight. The medicine wasn’t labelled and I’m not sure if that would have made of difference. It wasn’t meant to be obviously.
False Start
I let the guys at the retreat know what happened, and they told me not to stress and they would send over the medicine by post. I was determined to start the dieta ASAP regardless. The way I looked at this was the sooner I started the sooner I could potentially be healed. Unbeknownst to me at the time I wasn’t allowed start the dieta until I had my medicine. I found this out on the evening of the 3rd day. I had started the dieta on my return to work after being off for four weeks. I had a lot of catching up to do and things were not good in work which added to my stresses. When I got this news from the Shaman, I was disappointed for all of 1 second. After that, I hit the local boozer and ate to my heart’s content. Pure bliss!
Taking full advantage
The next two months was a bumpy ride of emotions not knowing if or when the medicine would arrive. As I was a free man to do as I pleased, I took full advantage of that and probably over indulged on some occasions. When the medicine did finally arrive, I wasn’t really ready for it. There was still some good parties, festivals, and events I wanted to attend. I had also met a girl that I liked so I decided to push the start date out a little further.
And we’re off
When I did finally get started, I almost failed on the very 1st day. The night before I went out on a real high. But for every high there must be a low and boy was I feeling low. I went out to an Italian Restaurant with my family and had my last rendezvous with gluttony. It was bold, I should have been tapering down ideally, but it was the last time I would see my brother for a while, and I can be very stubborn at times.
My last proper feed with the Family
In hindsight, I’d like to think I wouldn’t do this again as it was one of the toughest and bleakest days I can remember. Hungover, having only slept 5 hours the night before, a 12 hour work day at the office, not allowed to take anything for my headache or back pain, cold boiled eggs for breakfast, cold plain rice, chicken and broccoli for lunch, the same for dinner and all you can think of is……..Fuck, I’ve got another 90 days of this! On top of all that I got a text from the Shaman saying they will open my dieta on Friday. It’s Wednesday, what does that mean? Can I stop and wait until then, all I could think of was murdering a nice pulled pork roll, an Aungier Dangers double chocolate doughnut and strong coffee. That would have made me happy momentarily. Stressed, confused, weak and disoriented I almost broke, but as I didn’t have answers to what I should and shouldn’t do, so I just rode out this particular storm.
The next few days were pretty tough going but nothing like the 1st day. The following week started to get a little better and fast forward three weeks later now I’m feeling mentally stronger and healthy. I still feel weaker than I normally would. I think my body must be still adapting.
Sticking my neck on the line
I’m sticking my neck on the line here writing about this Journey before it’s complete, dubious myself about the expected outcomes the Shaman believes in. If I don’t get a result from this experiment, I may end up looking a little silly or crazy. But for me, it’s a risk I’m willing to take.
To finish up this particular post I thought I’d share with you one of the daily messages that I get sent. This is particularly poignant!
Have Faith, Rob.
Hope is an essential aspect of human life.
Faith — in my eyes — is an awakened Hope for Connection and Wholeness.
Without Faith, it’s easy to stray from your path and lose courage.
You might find it difficult to believe in yourself, much less each other.
Yet that’s why you’re here… to give humanity Hope by being Faithful to yourself.
If you find it difficult to cope with reality… Remember…You control your Reality.
